7.21.2008

The Wee Hours of the Morning

I am not a morning person by any means. I am one of those "any excuse to stay in bed just a little longer" kind of people. Even though having children has forced me to wake up earlier then I would choose many times. But I found myself unable to stay in bed after Joe got up at 5am for work today. No kids were awake, not even the dogs. Just silence and me. So, I decided to sit on the back porch with a good book.

I am constantly amazed at how beautiful the early morning is, why don't I make an effort to get up early more often? (The bed is just TOO comfy, and I am just TOO grumpy first thing when I get up.) The sky was a beautiful sleepy blue with the sun just peaking over the trees, and then I saw the moon. It was so bright for the morning. I know, I know, the moon is often up still when the sun rises, but this was different. It seemed much brighter, as if to say "NO! I am not ready to just lay down quietly, I wanna be seen!"

I feel like that some days as a wife and mother. "NO! I want to be noticed for who I am, look at me, I am trying to get your attention!!" We as women sometimes lose our own individual voice and just become "mom." Not that there is anything wrong with that wonderful title, it is just important for us to not lose sight of who we are in the process.

Currently I have no clue who I am. I feel like a pre-teen trying to figure out where I fit in the world. I struggle with what I will do once my kids don't need me as much as they do now. The things I was once so passionate about now I find little interest in. My world truly revolves around my children (as it should) but, there is this little part of me that says "you can do so much more."

For now I will be like the bright early morning moon. Make my presence known "look at me! look at me!" and try finding myself through words in my blogs, and then lay down during the day and let the sun (my children) shine all day long.

Ta Ta for now

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1 fabulous comments:

kate said...

Liz- that was beautiful! I really can identify- and strangley enough, I too woke early enough to look out the window and see the amazing moon still hanging in the sky, outstaying it's welcome in hopes of being noticed!

For four days now, I have been without my children! And it has been so strange. I feel like I have had a chance to get a bit more reaquainted with myself and it has been fun having the time to just be me and focus on my needs and wants for a change. But I can honestly say that I really miss those kids and I feel so empty without them. They are my world right now, and in turn , they are me and what I represent during this phase of my life. Things will change and in time, I will be back to work, and I will have another identity to add to my persona, but for now, I am the cultivator of creativity, strength, knowledge, kindness and love in my two children. It is through them and who they are (and what I hope they'll become) that I often see myself the best.

Take care, Kate