Future Guilt

It is way to early in the morning for me to be awake, let alone typing on here. Yet, here I am with my head full of thoughts that just won't stop. I have felt so guilty recently about my parenting. I'm not perfect, far from it. but I wonder... what will my kids remember about me when they're older? 


Mommy sat at her computer too much.
She couldn't cook at all!
We were always running late for school. 
She yelled too much. 
There were days our dirty clothes pile filled our rooms! 
She stressed about money.
Mom could lose her cool in an instant.
She would torture us with her bad singing everywhere in the car!
Mommy was too hard on me.


All those moments as a mom I work hard everyday to avoid, will those be the things they remember most? Will they look back and smile? Am I doing OK? I know most people will say "Oh honey, they won't think of those bad things! They will remember that you loved them, that you took them to cool places, the weekends shopping at the farmers market, the times spent on the trampoline. They will think of you when they see a classic Ford Mustang, when they burn dinner it will make them laugh thinking of the many meals you tried to cook, they will know that you did your best!"


Really? 


I'm not so sure...


I think I lose my temper with them too much. I wish I would think before I opened my mouth. I should really duct tape my mouth closed. 


I wish I woke up bright and early every day to make them a hot breakfast before school, I wish the house was always sparkley and clean with the clothes put away perfect. That's just not in the cards. 


I wonder if my mom ever felt the same way, because I sure think she did an amazing job! I remember her yummy cooking, how the house was always tidy, she always smiled at everything I did and took the time to pay attention to me. We traveled the world, and she taught me a lot about life. I don't remember bad things. Did they happen and kids just don't retain all that if the good outweighs the negative? Boy I hope so. 99% of the time it's all good around our house. 


I hope they turn out alright. I really am trying to do my best! 




au revoir, adieu, ciao, till next time... 

See, It IS Magical

Wow... just wow. 


What started as a wonderful, heart warming Sunday evening quickly changed into one of the scariest moments of my life. Let's start from the beginning: 


My beautiful munchkins were singing in the church Christmas program. It brought tears to my eyes to hear their sweet voices singing about that precious baby born in a manger.

As I was taking in the wonderful performance, my husband grabbed my hand and everything changed...


He said he felt weird, his heart was beating more than 130 bpm, his hands & jaw went numb...


We sat on the front steps of our church with ambulance lights twinkling on the stained glass windows as our children sang their hearts out inside, unaware of the fear and chaos just yards away from them...


*sigh*


As I sat in the ER wondering if my husband had suffered a heart attack my mind was racing. 
I can't lose him! 
Hope there's no permanent heart damage!
Will he be back to normal? 
Could we have prevented this?
What if....... 






It was a rough night. We found out he had arrhythmia (irregular heart rate) and it had just gone haywire. My husband has been a bad boy the last few years. He has a severe case of Sleep Apnea and is supposed to wear a CPAP machine to force oxygen in his lungs while he sleeps. He hasn't worn it for years. (Trust me, this housewife has nagged him to no end about this for a VERY long time) Also, he has very high Cholesterol and hadn't been taking his medicine. BAD HUBBY! Throw all this together with a weeks worth of not much sleep and a stressful time of year and you get to stay at the hospital thinking you are having a heart attack. The kids were in great hands with my parents and came to have meals with us in the hospital.

We are back home now, and very thankful for this "warning sign." My husband is committed to changing his future. He finally understands that taking care of him, is in fact taking care of us. We have started new eating and exercise habits. There is a lot of changes going on around our house, and many new things to learn. God has truly blessed us with open eyes and hearts that can heal. We have so much to be thankful for this Christmas season. I think the kids and I will be hugging a special someone a little tighter from now on :)


Up next, the many, many, MANY ways to cook fish. Ha ha
(if you don't get this, wonderful! Those that live with, or know someone with heart problems will understand. You have to eat a LOT of fish!)




au revoir, adieu, ciao, till next time... 

What's The Deal-io?!

Someone up above is truly looking out for us. Today our house here in Arizona went into escrow. That's right, you heard me! We sold our home in under 30 days!! The price was a little low, but it is still workable.

A few weeks ago I flew back east to look for a rental property for our family... It was a disaster. There wasn't a single home suitable to rent anywhere, I was pretty stressed out. While I was there I looked at a few homes for sale just cause they looked interesting online. Well, I fell in love with one (go figure.)

Since we didn't have the ability to buy the home while we were still trying to sell the home in Arizona my parents bought it for us!! The deal is once we sell this place and get on our feet we will buy it back from them. HOW COOL ARE THEY?!

It has been an emotional roller coaster, but I am proud to say we are blessed beyond words. OK people here it is, our home in South Carolina:


It's a Log Cabin! It is so cute, I wish I could have you all come over once we get moved in and have a party :) We are so excited. My son can't wait to go fishing (there's a creek that runs on our property) and my daughter is super thrilled to be living in a "Lincoln log home."

I can't wait to get there and take a huge sigh of relief. This move/home are here for the long haul. We are DONE.

Thank you all for hanging in there with me. Now comes moving day count down... We shove outta here December 17th, which means we will make it to our new place by Christmas Eve.

au revoir, adieu, ciao, till next time...

Hello From The Trenches!

Hey Everyone! How have you all been? Geez, I have missed the "blog-sphere" but have also enjoyed the break. What has been going on you ask? Most of you were correct in your guess that we are moving. I couldn't come on here and talk about my husbands job hunting till he had something firmed up, heaven forbid someone from his current job found out and we were jobless because of MY blog. I would have never lived that down!

OK, on to more important things...

Where are we moving? You will never guess, nope not in a million years...


Spanish moss, warm southern rain, small town...



Good fried chicken, millions of mosquito's, front porch rockin'...



Green growth everywhere, humid nights, fireflies...



Friends, family, home...



Is any of this ringing a bell? Obviously we're moving back to the southeast, but the plot thickens, we're moving back to the SAME TOWN we moved from to get to Arizona!? How crazy is that?

I wanted more for my children then I thought a small southern town could offer, but what I have come to realize is we had it all to begin with. Great friends, a great community, life was good. Luckily my hubby's old job has wanted him back since the moment we left, so getting a position there was pretty easy (it's an even better position than he had before we moved!).

Doesn't the saying "The grass isn't always greener" come to mind? ha ha

Now for the yucky, not fun stuff... Trying to sell our home. I LOVE this house, you all know the time we've spent painting & decorating it. It's perfect, just in the wrong place. I really wish the tornado from the "Wizard of Oz" would pick my home up and drop it down in South Carolina. But, that won't happen, bummer. Our house is on the market now, we've had a few lookers but nothing has come of it yet. Also when we get back to SC we have to rent for awhile, not a big deal for most, but you try renting a home with 3 dogs!!! Impossible.

There is a lot on our plate right now, so far I have dealt with the stress pretty well. I've only had one melt down in a restaurant parking lot sobbing into my hubby's arms. My hubby begins his new (old) job in December, if the home doesn't sell by then I will be staying in Arizona till it does with the munchkins and pups.

Please keep us in your prayers for an easy transition and guidance as life once again takes another crazy turn in our life. And if you know anyone looking for a home in AZ let me know *wink wink*


*pictures from Hartsville - The Art of Good Living web site

au revoir, adieu, ciao, till next time...

Pay Day Mixed With A Bit of Sexy

Today is pay day around our house, which also means it is bill paying day... Which in turn means that I FREAK OUT!

How are we going to pay for everything?
How are we going to survive?
Where does all the money go?
Why is the power bill so much?
How will we eat?

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm hyperventilating!
What's that James McAvoy? You want to help make me feel better? Well, I'm willing to try. BUT OH MY GOSH times are hard!

OK, That's helping me feel a little better, but I am still feeling a bit over-whelmed. Got any thing else?

How about just one more!!!

I'm feeling a bit dizzy now...
And I'm all giggly!
What were we talking about?

Oh thank you James for helping me chill out, and for being so absolutely fun to look at :)

au revoir, adieu, ciao, till next time...